A call to fathers to reposition themselves

For the fathers who do not feel special or who seldom hear words of affirmation from those closest to you, including your children, I am directly speaking to you. Have you ever been called a ‘deadbeat dad’ or a ‘sperm donor’? Then my expressions of gratitude are for you because you are among a special subset of persons who have been able to contribute to building the male species and the human race. Fathers are one of a kind; handpicked by the creator; designed to propagate life; natural hunters and leaders.

Over the years, the roles of fathers have changed dramatically all over the world. However, we have seen where fathers are no longer the sole providers for the homes as their wives or significant others have now assumed such positions. Similarly, we have seen where fathers have not been fully committed towards protecting those in the family. If you have been missing the mark in becoming a good father, your existence is celebrated. Three key factors that are likely to prevent fathers from being at their best include limited opportunities and resources, lack of good mentorship support, and negative peer influence.

Due to limited opportunities and resources, some fathers have often been suppressed while making the effort to execute one of the primary roles as a man. Indeed, fathers have a huge responsibility to provide financial support for their families. Fathers obtain an education, which can enable them to gain a qualification, skills, and experiences that are useful assets for fatherhood. In the words of Clarence Budington Kelland, “My father didn’t tell me how to live. He lived and let me watch him do it.”

DERAILED FROM THEIR PURPOSE

Fathers can be derailed from their purpose when there is lack of good mentorship support in their lives. Needless to say, a man is more likely to become motivated by individuals who can assist him whenever his challenges seem insurmountable. For a man to become astute, he should not only embrace his strengths, but minimise his weaknesses. However, a man who consults with someone of merit is not a sign of weakness, but it reveals an inner strength to be accountable to his responsibilities.

Negative peer influence has been the sore point for some fathers who have grappled with the inability to make wise decisions based on society’s expectations. In fact, the negative perspectives from peers can sometimes discourage men from making rational decisions that can affect others’ lives, too. There are men who have internal hurts that they are struggling with, but since they have no healthy outlet to release their frustration, they form cliques, which may be unwise. Learn to show love even if you didn’t experience it.

TIPS TO REPOSITION

Survey conducted among 25 fathers from the parishes of St James, St Ann, and Kingston. Fathers from the US, Nigeria, and India also participated.

1. What have you been doing to ensure that you are the best father?

• Showing them affection and loving their mother.

• I give my children everything so my daughters won’t be abused by irresponsible men.

• I’m principled, disciplined, and honest.

• As a single parent, I’m attentive to my child.

2. What qualities do you admire in your father?

• He did not give much support.

• He tried to provide a good education.

• He was a provider, protector, and advisor.

• He spent time with us and made sure we were never hungry.

3. How can you encourage fathers who have not repositioned themselves to be at their best?

• If things were bad in the past, don’t make history repeat itself.

• Be responsible. Every child needs their dad.

• Teach them so they can understand how the world is.

• Give a hug and not just money.

• Discipline your children but don’t abuse them.

Whatever father figure role you play in children’s lives is one of honour as “children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward” (Psalm 127:3). Happy Father’s Day and choose to do what is right for the sake of your legacy. Actions indeed speak louder than words.