SHORT STORY - An unpleasant surprise

Andrew Blake, Contributor

Millicent recently bought her dream house in Mandeville. With excitement in her voice, she called us and landed us the news.

"Mi caa wait fi unnu come si it," she blurted out.

We were all friends for some 10 years, so our little posse was tight-knit. Had each other's back. Friends for life.

One weekend in early May, we packed our bundles and decided to pay Milli a visit. We crammed into an 1840 Pajero, and hit the toll road.

Babs' vehicle only looked old, but it was in excellent running condition. Just needed some TLC.

We thought it was best suited for the hilly terrain we were about to encounter. So off to Mandeville we went.

An hour or so later, we were gliding up Melrose Hill and Mandeville was well in sight. Didn't even have time for a piece of "roas' yam an' sal' fish", at the speed Babs was driving. Milli was to meet us at the KFC in Mandeville town. Knowing that she's a creature of the clock, we had to be on time.

Soon, we pulled up at the location and almost had to put Milli on a leash when she saw us. Full of excitement as usual. Everyone was very happy to see her and after a few hugs and kisses we headed up into the hills. Milli led the way in her crisp VW Jetta.

Long journey

We tagged along in our old jeep. Hills and valleys there were indeed, and I thought we'd never reach. The poor Pajero struggled up some of the hills, but eventually we got there.

"Rahtid, but a noh Mandivil dis Milli!" someone exclaimed.

"A Mandivil!" Milli snapped.

To me, it looked like some deep rural district about 10 miles out of the town. I didn't want to offend my friend, so I kept my silence.

Mandeville it is, if Milli said so.

The little house looked somewhat haunted, so no one was in a hurry to unpack. It was perched on a hill and the nearest neighbour was a good walk away.

I was ushered into my quarters. A small room with an even smaller bathroom. You had to go in one way and reverse out of that bathroom. I always thought Mandeville had huge houses with bathrooms you could actually dine in. Then again, was that place Mandeville at all?

The place was cold and eerie. Though I was extremely tired, I just lay there staring at the ceiling.

I was stealthily abducted by sleep and before I knew it, it was time for breakfast.

Ackee and salt fish, roast breadfruit and cornmeal dumplings. Cocoa tea and sweet potato pudding. Mmm! The food was excellent.

The scenery was picturesque and the atmosphere was most peaceful. Fog blew lazily across my face and gently disappeared into the distance. Gosh, that place was a piece of heaven brought to earth.

"Yuh av 'at wata Milli?" Babs asked. Milli hesitated with her answer. It had to be a "Noa" coming, but I kept silent. How could she not have hot water at this altitude?

I sank my teeth into another dumpling and waited for a response.

"Unnu av to 'at wata pon tha stove. Noh still 'at wata?" she questioned. Looking a bit embarrassed.

Desperation

I wanted so much to hol' a fresh, I'd bathe in mud if needs be.

I waited until the ladies were finished with the stove, then I heated my water. Just trying hard to be a lady's gentleman. After heating the water, I poured it out into a bath pan that was set in the bathtub. As I turned on the cold water to 'blend' the temperature, I noticed something coming from behind the tap. Something uncoiling itself like a small snake.

"Jeezas Crise, a wha dis?" I asked. I jumped out of the shower and ran into the living area, completely oblivious of my nudity.

"Is wha 'appen to yu?" Milli asked. I had no time for explanation. I grabbed a broom and dashed back into the bathroom. Everyone was behind me with some form of weapon of mass destruction. Knife, fork, Pyrex dish. You name it.

I gently pushed the bathroom door. Movements were heard inside. We all stared at each other.

 Bravado

"A wha in deh Eagle?" Babs whispered. The movements continued. I stepped 'bravely' into the bathroom with my knees wobbling. By that time the small creature had uncoiled to a 10-foot snake. The frail walls crumpled under its weight.

I gasped for breath as I dove through the nearest window. My friends were right behind me as we landed on each other on the pavement outside.

We were all cuddled up and shaking like dried leaves when the firemen and police arrived.

They fought hard to contain the beast. Fire, gunshots, the whole kitchen sink was hurled at it. Until finally, there was silence. It was dead.

Milli packed her belongings and headed into Kingston with us.

Some dream house, eh?